May 15, 2020

TRUTH BE TOLD



Sacred One
i know somewhere deep inside
that each breath i take
is but a gift from you
but i have to be honest
truth be told
some days just really seem to suck
this whole pandemic thing
has moments that are just too much
such moments
are filled with fear
anxiety
depression
and a deprivation of hope
my spiritual life is in the toilet
praying feels like
screaming in the night and only hearing echoes
times of meditation are experienced
as if laying in a hot desert sand
parched inside and out
not even a breeze
amid the ever hotter
dehydrated sunlight
where are the lush pastures
where are the still waters
what gives?
my soul rebukes my doubts and worries
only to be rebuked by dismal emptiness
the void is deep
still without bottom
an abyss with teeth that are sharp
set against my heart of hearts
O God, why?
O God, where are you?
O God, I am tired
my tired is tired
my body is in a fatigue that does not let up
my compassion is failing the test of mercy
my ability to care
to care about anything
is absent at best
i have had enough
yes there are people worse off than me
but my pain is real too
and i am sick of it
I just thought I would let you know
not that I expect anything different
any time soon
but working my ass off to muster enough hope
to be thankful
for the good you are doing
even though it seems masked
hiding in shadows and hard to find
but alas you are God
and without you
there is nothing
accept this diatribe for what it is
and bring healing and wellness.